why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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