Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize