in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
