i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
