I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
