i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
