i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Never underestimate the power of titties
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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