butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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