Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
