I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
