I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
