So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
