went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
