I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
