imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
