He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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