i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
