How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
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I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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