I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
