so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
