There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
