I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
