I heard we made out
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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