I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize