did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
