Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
