normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
