I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
40s are totally the cure
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
