She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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