I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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