Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
