Betty ford says i'm here all night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
