Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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