i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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