I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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