You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
