she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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