I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
