he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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