My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
