If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
