You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
is that a dick in a sweater?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
