K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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