STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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