everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
