dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
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Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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