I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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