We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
