i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
