Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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