The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
