I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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