I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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