Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
