Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
