I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize