I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
