Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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