I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
