if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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