She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
