I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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