Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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