My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
