I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
