but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
